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Opinion: Top priority

All the Johnny news that's fit to print

Published: Monday, October 28, 2013

Updated: Monday, October 28, 2013 22:10

Scooby

William Guerra

Sports newscasters carry their heavy burden of journalistic truth and fight gallantly through the stats and the scores every week to bring us the news everyone cares about. This weekend, they picked up Saturday’s “Ask the Aggies” segment to let the nation know just who Johnny Manziel wants to party down with.

All I can say is, thank goodness someone is finally doing their job right and reporting on the real news.

It wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t been so spoiled over the summer. You turned on ESPN, and it was all Johnny, all day long. And they were hitting us with the real stuff back then. Nobody was reporting on yards and touchdowns and junk like that. I could watch Johnny Manziel get kicked out of a UT frat party six times in a row without hearing one football stat.

But since the football season started, it’s just been “returning Heisman winner this” and “unprecedented talent that.” Which is nice and all, but it’s no twitter rampage. Let me tell you, I would trade an ungodly amount of touchdowns for just one more Johhny twitter-pocalypse.

I think what I miss the most is the glorious, running-wild-with-the-unicorns kind of crazy speculation. These days, people are just worried about national championship dreams and bowl games.

No one is asking the real questions. Was Johnny Manziel really hungover? What kind of pajamas does he wear in the winter? Do you think he likes black bears or grizzly bears more? At the rate we’re going with this kind of football-focus, we’re probably never going to know.

What if I never find out what his Halloween costume is this year? It’s supposed to be reported on, but what if everyone gets distracted by his game stats against UTEP and forgets to tell us what happened? I know for a fact I can’t live in a world like that.

As a member of the American public I want, nay, I deserve to know what Johnny Manziel’s Halloween costume is. I need to know if there is a Scooby-Doo-Round-Two. I need to know exactly what Daphne and Velma aren’t wearing again this year.

As a member of the press, I feel it is important we never lose sight of our priorities like this ever again. There is no reason to talk about someone’s talents when we can discuss their personal lives and decisions.

Honestly, why should I care about Brad Pitt’s acting career when I can learn about his kid’s trip to Legoland? Why should I care about, well, whatever Kim Kardashian did, when I can find out she actually gained pregnancy weight like a normal human?
And why in the world would I care about Johnny Manziel’s incredible football talent when I can know that he wants to party with Charlie Sheen? I know what I want. And what I want to know is a restraining order’s worth of information about a complete stranger.

Is that too much to ask? Of course it isn’t. This is what real news is about.

 

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