In honor of the first Super Bowl in the history of a tormented New Orleans franchise and the chance for Peyton Manning to cement his legacy, this game had to be broken down with a running diary, Bill Simmons style. History, brought to you by CBS:
5:26 - Carrie Underwood sang the national anthem. I was happy to see her; oddly, not as much to hear her. A lot of things about her are pretty. That wasn't.
5:34 - Three-and-out for the Saints. This doesn't bode well for them because … well … now they have to play defense.
5:42 - First round of commercials. Budweiser has had better efforts. I'm having trouble remembering anything after the commercial featuring one of the most overexposed athletes of our generation - Tim Tebow - spearing his mother in a spontaneous bout of terrible acting.
5:46 - Our current clubhouse leader for best showing: Doritos. Keep your hands off my mama, keep your hands off my Doritos! What? There's a game going on?
6:01 - 10-0 Colts on a beautiful pass by Manning. The Saints look more overmatched than the slave traders in "Taken."
6:06 - How much money do Doritos and Bud Light have, exactly? I thought these advertisements cost millions each. After that thought, they brought in T-Pain. He did manage to inspire a round of "The auto-tune just missed Carrie Underwood" jokes.
6:20 - It's 10-3 in the second quarter. Already?
6:22 - Can a joke about Brett Favre being the 2020 NFL MVP be funny when there's a legitimate fear that it could happen?
6:28 - Brees hasn't looked too sharp unless he's throwing into the flat repeatedly. Somehow we're already nearing halftime.
6:33 - As I was saying, Brees is one of the best in the business for a reason. After a great 11-play drive, it's about to be even.
6:42 - Going for it on fourth down was a good idea. That play call was not.
6:50 - 10-6 halftime lead for the Colts.
7:11 - The Who sure has gotten old, but you couldn't tell by the way they play. Anything would beat the year they carted the Rolling Stones' corpses up there. Somehow, somewhere, even Prince was impressed.
7:23 - WOW! Sean Payton! Making up for that failed fourth-down try before the half. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone willing to do an onside kick to start the second half of the Super Bowl, already trailing.
Gonads, sir. 7:29 - Momentum. It's 13-10 Saints like that and this game feels totally different. Except for the part where they're about to trot back out to face Peyton Manning. That's a bit of a sobering thought.
7:39 - There's just been a Lance Armstrong sighting. Speaking of gonads…
7:46 - Either my attention span is shorter than Lane Kiffin's or there's a sort of ho-hum quality to the game. There's 4:46 left in the third quarter and it's 17-13 Colts. And apparently it's been that way for a little while now.
7:50 - 17-16 Colts after another dead-on field goal by Garrett Hartley. I don't see him leaving New Orleans any time soon. That Google ad was too serious; it sort of dampened my mood. Like tuning in to the State of the Union address and seeing Joe Biden. He's a little easier to make fun of though.
7:56 - End of the third. One of the most important fourth quarters in sports is on the way. I'm not sure if it'll be one of the most entertaining though.
8:04 - In the first quarter, the announcers casually mentioned Matt Stover being the oldest player to ever participate in a Super Bowl. Five minutes into the fourth, it's still 17-16 after Matt Stover missed a field goal to the left. I feel like there's a correlation. Oh CBS ... In all seriousness, this should be commended. Although the fact the announcers got something right being commendable is a teeny bit of an indictment on the state of sports commentating. You hear me, Joe Buck?
8:13 - Touchdown Saints after a masterful drive by Brees. This guy could've come to A&M, right? For one shining moment, Jeremy Shockey mattered again. Going for a two-point conversion was still a good call, whether they got it or not; even if it wasn't, Sean Payton is untouchable after the onside kick. 22-17 Saints with 5:42 left in the game.
8:19 - The referees just announced that the two-point try was good after all -video evidence confirmed that Lance Moore broke the plane with the ball. 24-17 Saints, but 5:34 is a lifetime for Peyton.
8:29 - Only in a world like this could the New Orleans Saints become Super Bowl champs. It would have to happen during a season in which a rookie who threw 20 interceptions leads a 9-7 Jets team to the AFC Championship and Peyton Manning throws a pick-six in the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl. Nothing is certain anymore. Do we need to reexamine this 2012 myth? Is there eternal life? Will the Texans finally make the playoffs? No on that last one? Shut up.
8:30 - Hopefully by now you've forgotten how readily I sung Peyton's praises.
8:39 - With 1:34 left in the game, everything feels a little anticlimactic. This is what you get for rooting against the Saints, Manning family. Shame on you.
8:44 - With 0:44 left, all that's left is for Brees to come out and take a knee, that one moment encompassing and erasing everything this team has been through with their city. It feels right for the Saints to win.
8:46 - The Saints are the 2010 World Champions in the NFL, and Doritos is the 2010 Advertising Champion. Everybody wins. In the end, I look at the emotions on these players' faces, and on the faces of their fans in the stands, and I look at Drew Brees and I think, "Shouldn't somebody besides Purdue have recruited this guy?"
Beau Holder is a freshman English major.
