It's about that time of year again. Yep, you guessed it - Mardi Gras is upon us. It's time to fill up all empty glasses with as much alcohol as possible and collect as many multicolored beads as possible, in the hopes of running into an All-American Christian girl celebrating her Lord's 40-day and 40-night fast in the best way she knows how.
Around our predominantly Christian country, students are preparing for the biggest religious drunkfest of their lives. Despite the Christian teachings of moderation and self-control, Mardi Gras attendees lose both characteristics in preparation for a month of just that: moderating self-control, aka "fasting."
Even I have given into this pre-Lenten celebration. Next week, I'm going to give up chocolate. It's going to be miserable. No more Twix bars, no more Reese's cups, but more importantly, no more chocolate on my strawberries. How am I supposed to eat strawberries without chocolate? It would almost be like I was doing something healthy.
But don't worry about me. Like most of you, I will be preparing beforehand for this difficult time to come. I am going to buy a king cake and steer clear of finding the baby. Buying the cake every year just to satisfy my tiny plastic baby collection is getting expensive. After that, I'm getting wasted. That's right, and all in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
Jesus drank wine. I'm going to drink whiskey. Both are dark in color assuming he drank red, so that makes us the same, right? He gave up eating and drinking for 40 days and 40 nights and I'm giving up chocolate. You know, I bet if Jesus were around today, he would give up chocolate, too. Giving up all the food in the world these days is like suicide, and that's against his commandments.
In the time between the B.C.-A.D. crossover, I doubt there was much of a fiesta planned for the upcoming fast. If I remember Sunday school correctly, the event was more a spur-of-the-moment thing. Had it not been, I bet Jesus would have gone to the Sahara with a bang. He would have been downing hurricanes in an attempt to forget his upcoming starvation and the next morning, he would have had a Bloody Mary to drown his hangover woes.
I know, I know. The Holy Book says to consume only in moderation. Jesus never got drunk. I remember that high school youth group sermon, too. It was right after the abstinence one. The thing is, though, drinking water in Jesus' day was way more unhealthy than drinking alcohol, so "in moderation" compares to the creation story. You know, where one day was like a million years. Alas, one drink equals a million in Jesus time. Simple multiplication.
Better yet, Mardi Gras isn't limited to a day-long celebration of our Lord's triumph over food, drink and demonic possession, but the entire state of Louisiana is off work and school for a week. Apparently, they are extra religious.
I propose that Texas take the same stance. Catholic, Protestant, it doesn't matter; we should all celebrate Mardi Gras the way Jesus would have if he could have. After all, in our never-ending attempts to follow in God's footsteps, we, as Christians, have the sole responsibility to show God just how much we love him and adore him and want to be just like him, even if we take a few minor details to an extreme. The WWJD bracelets should have been WWJHD: what would Jesus HAVE done? Because in the end, that's the question that really matters.
As Christians, we must bring our religion, and our God, up to date. Perhaps Jesus would have said to drink, eat and fornicate in moderation when he was alive. Then again, perhaps he never went to a Mardi Gras party.
Be the first to comment on this article!